Sweet Karma, How I Love Thee...

(Originally posted on MySpace on 01.08.07)

I'm too lazy to look up the original post that I made on the first half of this story, so I'll rewrite it!

First off, I just want to say that before last week, I never really believed in Karma. I've seen WAY too many people do so many shitty things and seemingly never suffer any repurcussions, until now.

Here's my fabulous story...

A few months ago, I had finally saved up enough cash to pay the registration on my car. You see, I had let it lapse for 3 years. I won't go into why because it doesn't pertain to the story. I take the day off of work and go to the DMV to get it straightened out, thinking that I owed roughly 2,000.00 (as I was told over the phone by some highly-trained DMV computer).

After being at the DMV for 2 hours, the DMV drone looks around nervously and tells me "you should leave right now and go straight to the courthouse. There is a problem". As I start to protest, I glance in the direction that he is looking and see about 4 people huddled around a phone dialing numbers and acting like they aren't looking directly at me. This gains my interest and I ask "what kind of problem?". He says "dude, I'm trying to give you a break here. Leave now before they have you arrested".

Uh... What? Ok, I got the hint. I bail.

I then shoot straight over to the courthouse to handle the problem, but they tell me that there isn't an issue and that I need to take it up with the DMV. I take the next day off of work to handle this, as I can tell it's not going to be easy.

The next day, I go to the DMV and ask to speak to a supervisor. I wait for about an hour before somebody comes out to tell me that there are 14 (not 8 as I originally wrote) counts against me and that my registration has been suspended, along with my license, for approximately a year and that I can't do ANYTHING about it until I go to court and get an "abstract" which should absolve me of all guilt.

I go back to the court for the second time in about 20 hours and go through the outside window to talk with them. The woman there tells me that there are indeed 14 counts against me and that I would need to see a judge. Of course, my first question is "HOW COME YOU DIDN'T SEE ANY OF THIS YESTERDAY!!?" To which she replies "I wasn't here yesterday"... Touche. They can't fit me in that day, so I have to return the following day.

Day 3... I take ANOTHER day off of work (good thing that I rule and I'm ahead on work). Kelly and I go to the courthouse. I am nervous now and have NO idea what is going on and only want to get it taken care of. We return to the outside line and I'm finally told that the 14 counts have "something to do with a person named Misty ********". Great, the whore strikes again. Now I'm pissed... I try to calm myself and rectify the situation without having to see a judge, but the supervisor tells me "this is such a mess, you absolutely MUST see a judge". So, I calm the atomic bomb that is about to go off in my head and stroll on in to the courthouse.

As we enter the courtroom, I notice that the Judge just happens to be the SAME Judge that I had seen a couple years prior because Misty stole my checkbook and forged my name. He didn't care at all and made ME take a check writing class and she, once again, got off without any repercussions of any kind. So, I already do not like this guy, which just makes the situation worse.

Kelly and I wait there nervous and angry for about 10 minutes before the judge calls up my group. The judge gets through every person in my group, saving me for last. He looks at me with a quizzical look, calls me up to the stand, and here is the conversation:

Judge: Sir, step up to the table and tell me your name.
Me: *I state my full name* (the judge gives the bailiff an odd look and he walks over behind me holding handcuffs).
Me: Uh... whoah, whoah. What's going on?
Judge: Can you pay for all of these today? There are a few Felonies here.
Me: Pay for all of what? I haven't done anything. There is a problem here.
Judge: Give me a minute sir.

At this point he spends about 10 minutes writing out notes, looking at paperwork, etc. I am so scared at this point, I bite my lip and taste blood, which is cool because I am really a vampire.

Judge: I'm sorry sir, could you recite you name again?
Me: *I state my name* again...
Judge: Hmmm. You don't look like a Misty... There is a problem here.

The Judge uses his keen heat vision to signal the bailiff to step away from the Chip. The Judge spends a few more minutes writing and furling his brow.

Judge: I'm not sure exactly how this happened, but Misty used your Drivers Licence number and Social Security Number on 14 different occasions. This is a case of identity theft, which is a felony. I have made all of the adjustments and I've issued you an Abstract and you may now return to the DMV and get your registration and License renewed. I'm sorry for the mixup. I can tell you that if Misty EVERY gets pulled over for anything, she is in deep trouble and will definitely be spending some time in Jail.
Me: But I'm done and I can go?
Judge: Yes.
Me: Thank you sir.

Kelly and I return to the DMV relieved that everything turned out fine, but annoyed that it there was a problem in the first place.

Now... Zip forward a few months to last Friday.

As I am on my way to work, I recieve a phonecall from an "unknown" number. I pick it up as it's usually one of my developers checking in for the morning. Here's what happened:

I can hear SCREAMING into the phone, but can only make out a few words...

Crazy Bitch on Phone: :LAJJ:AKSLJDA RUINED MY LIFE ;akljdfakjdfajdf FUCKING JERK alkjfaadflkadf GOING TO KILL YOU lkjal;djfad
Me: Uh... Who is this and who are you calling for?
Crazy Bitch on Phone: IT'S ME, MISTY, YOU ASSHOLE!!!
Me: Ugh... *I prepare to hang up*
Misty: Don't hang up (sobbing and sniffling)
Me: What do you want.
Misty: Last night (sniff), I was (sniff sniff) driving and I got pulled over (sniff) for speeding...
Me: So?
Misty: (sniff) the cop said that I was in trouble for (sniff sniff sniff) identity theft (sniff) and that he had to arrest me (sniff) I need your help. I told him (sniff) that you were my asshole crazy x-boyfriend (sniff sniff). I really need your (sniff) help. Can you help me?
Me: Uh wait, let me get this straight. You got arrested for stealing my identity?
Misty: Yes (sniff sniff).
Me: You are in jail right now?
Misty: Yes. Can you help?
Me: You used your one phonecall to call me?
Misty: Yes. (sniff sniff)
Me: ROT BITCH! *click*

Hello Karma! At this point, I call Kelly to tell her, but I'm laughing so hard I can't even speak for like 3 minutes. When I finally tell her what happened, she breaks out into laughter too. This doesn't end there though...

About 6 hours later, I get another phonecall from an unknown number:

Jackass: Dude, I'm going to kick your ass for what you did to Misty.
Me: Uh, who is this?
Jackass: Jason, I'm Misty's Boyfriend.
Me: HAH! I don't know how much you know about your Girlfriend, but let me tell you that she's a whore. You may be A boyfriend, but I guarantee you that you aren't *the* boyfriend. I'm sure you are one of a stable of about 10 guys, that's the way she normally operates. You need to run as fast as possible from that Ho. Now, what was it you wanted again?
Jason: FUCK YOU! I'm going to kill you!
Me: Ok, yeah, I know... You are going to kill me...
Jason: I KNOW WHERE YOU WORK, I'm coming down there and I'm seriously going to kill you.
Me: *tired of all of this* Sure thing dude, come on down. Let's have it out, I'm sure... (He cuts me off in mid sentence)
Jason: I'm coming up to Activision and I'm going to fucking kick your ass in front of all of your friends.
Me: Ok dude, come on up to Activision, I'll be waiting. I sit in the office above the main entrance.

For those of you that don't know this, or haven't already caught on, I haven't worked for Activision since 2003. I hope Mr. Asshat actually showed up there to kill me in front of my friends.

I'm sure this story isn't over, but I find it much to hilarious to keep to myself.