Random Shots of England in 2006

BUBBLES!!!



Lunchtime in the UK.



This building is over 1000 years old.



Town Hall in Batley UK.



How could I not? Look how badass that phonebooth is.



I walked down this street ever day.



The Batley Bat.



Busted ass building.



Same building.



I walked down this path every day. It was very peaceful.



Believe it or not, there is a tax on having windows in the UK. That's why most of them are bricked over.



Same as above.



This is the Sherwood Forest. I proposed to Kelly on bended knee in those trees. :)



Drinking in a pub.



More drinking, same pub.



Bricked windows redux.



iPod in the UK. :)



Same bricked window.



This used to be the way the city got their water. Now it's a train bridge.



Same as above.



All that soot is hundreds of years old from when all manufacturing plants burned coal.



Another view of a suit covered wall.



Church.

Mystery photo

Not sure what the story is with this one, but it showed up on my phone sometime last night. I think I can see butterfly there, so it wasn't her this time.
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Fw: Women never forget the pleasure

I love emails like this... Clear as midnight as to their point.

------Original Message------
From: Rosanne Donaldson
To: Amalia Redmond
To: Yvonne Lott
To: Polly Snow
To: Nadine Westbrook
To: Fern Eubanks
Sent: Jan 28, 2009 11:20 PM
Subject: Women never forget the pleasure

weasel oilman ok you've agreed adrift sse lair accuse adhere quod blimp sri lagoon on Absolutely any woman will be surprised with your monster.

sri fallow once ibis quote paso jargon Imagine the satisfaction. It's going to be so easy!

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<http://groups.google.com/group/ufhdladspnij
> Hit this
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Random Thoughts.

I realized that the last blog entry may have come across a little negative towards life. This is actually entirely opposite of how I feel right now. Mattel and I were not a good fit. They couldn't understand a guy like me (I point a finger, and things get done) and I couldn't understand their completely wasting too much time on getting anything done. So to show you how bad it was at certain times of being there, I've decided to copy a few blogs of old into this post.

Enjoy! (Oh, the first one is just for fun, it's a conversation that took place between my Dad and Step Mom). Too funny not to share.

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Sunday, March 25, 2007

Now THAT'S a party!!!

My Dad and Stepmom are moving back to Oregon for a while. It sucks, but hey, it's life ya know? They came over today to have lunch with Kelly and I as I had a bunch of stuff that I've picked up for them recently and we all wanted to give a proper goodbye.

In typical fashion, my Dad swooned us all with stories that are so outlandish, they could only happen to him. One of his stories involves ALL of the following: Snow, Fake Teeth, "the man", Conspiracy, More Snow, The United States Postal Service, A Mailtruck, Insurance, and a pair of jeans with a massive hole in the pocket. I'll leave that story for another time though... Anyway, while he's telling stories, he's trying on some clothes that I got him. Here is what turned out to be the weirdest and greatest moment ever.

Dad: Hey! These shoes are great! Did you get them in England?
Me: Yes! They were handstiched!
Dad: Wow! This shirt is GREAT!
Judy: *batting her eyes* You are such a catch Charlie.
Me: Yuck.
Dad: Give me that other shirt...
Dad: This shirt is even BETTER!
Judy: Nice!
Dad: Now all I need is some teeth and some Viagra and we would REALLY be partying!
Judy: *doing the "raise the roof" move* Wooooooooo!

I am willing to sell this story to the highest bidding marketing firm. I can see it now... "I'm glad I got that life insurance before shirly up and died... Now all I need is some TEEF and that thar Viagra and we be partaaaaaaaayin!"

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Friday, March 09, 2007

Blood and Barbie

Conversation from today...
Me: I don't know, maybe you could play some mini-games to unlock extras.
Mike: What kind of extras?
Me: Dresses, Necklaces, Bracelets, you know, all that stuff that... Wait, what the hell am I saying?
Mike: huh?
Me: I can remember a time when a conversation at work would involve me begging for more blood or that the knives "would stick hilt-deep in a nutsack" until the player was dead...
Mike: Yeah.
Me: Yeah... Anyway...

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Saturday, December 16, 2006

I couldn't make this up if I tried...

Last week, Mattel held it's quarterly "state of the union" meeting. Not having anything else to do for a change, I decided to go.

As you would imagine, it was a snore-fest. I seriously almost fell asleep until they started talking about the community and a group of volunteers.

This woman was on stage talking about how nice it is to be a part of a group of people that go out to schools and grant their wishes. She said "well, let's watch this movie about it" and the camera rolled. What followed was nothing short of genius. The first thing out of some other woman's mouth... "kids love balls..."

I almost died laughing, but I couldn't do it out loud because that would indeed prove once and for all that I am a lowlife. The problem is, she didn't stop there...

A few of the things I remember hearing before my brain shut down on me... (I am in no way exaggerating or making ANY of these up).

"Kids love BALLS"

"These kids didn't have any BALLS to play with"

"We were playing with big BALLS and small BALLS, there were BALLS everywhere"

"We filled a truck up with BALLS and then backed it up and dumped them out all over the children"

"There were more BALLS than these kids have ever seen"

"We had a great time watching the children play with BALLS"

There were a few more tasty nuggets, but I couldn't take it anymore and had to laugh maniacally and leave the room, proving once and for all that I am in fact, a dirty minded lowlife. If I could find the guy that edited that tape together, I'd punch him in the taint.

Just thinking of this story makes me glad to be alive and gives me a warm-n-fuzzy all over!

Merry Christmas from Mattel!

BALLS!

----------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Chip - 4, Corporate America - Still 0 (in all fairness, I guess they have 1 now that they've let me go).

Strangely, today when I went to get on the elevator from the 8th floor parking garage, there were 3 other women there waiting to get on too. One of them was about 50 years old, the other 2 were mid 20s to about 30. We all get on the elevator and it stops on the 6th floor to pick up somebody else. A guy gets on that I have had quite a few conversations with. Hes got a trashcan with him because he is has been cleaning up the entrance ways to the elevators on each floor, which is a pretty dirty job as you can imagine. When he steps onto the elevator, he says good morning to everybody on the elevator and me and the older lady are the only ones that say good morning back to him. He then looks at the older lady and here is the conversation

Guy: Well hello! How long have you worked here?
Lady: What?
Guy: How long have you worked here?
Lady: *rolls her eyes at the guy* What???
Guy: How long have you worked here?
Lady: *points at her ears and rolls eyes again* I cant hear you

At this point the guy gets sad and looks down at the ground. What I haven't said yet is that the guy is retarded. Hes a VERY nice guy and was just trying to make small talk. I get PISSED at this (as you can imagine) and say the following.

Me: (to the Guy) Nevermind her, shes just an angry old bitch.
Guy: *eyes go wide*
Bitch: What did you just say?
Me: Oh Im sorry, you can fucking hear now? ITS A MIRACLE!!!

Everybody else: *laughing*

Me: Yeah, you heard me correct. You are an angry, bitter, bitch. This guy has been working his ass off to make sure that your elevator ride is a pleasant one and you cant even make small talk with him. You are a bitch.
Bitch: Listen punk, you will NOT
Me: Fuck you, my name is Chip Bumgardner. If you have a problem with this, feel free to send me an email, I refuse to talk with somebody that treats ANYBODY the way you just did, much less a person that doesn't have the same mental capacity as the rest of us. This guy is an amazing person; you would know that if you just took the time to chat with him. Have a good day bitch, I know I will.

I leave and start walking to the building and one of the girls whispers to me as she walks by wow, I cant believe that she would treat him that way. Thanks for sticking up for him.

----------------------------------------------------

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Chip - 3, Corporate America - 0

I work on the 9th floor of the Mattel Compound. The building I work in is called "The Tower". It's a 15 story building with a fantastic view. On one side you can see LA and the mountains, on the other, the ocean. Stand in the right place and you can see it all.

I park my car on the 5th floor of the parking structure. There is a bridge that joins the Tower to the Parking Structure on the 2nd floor. Usually, I just run up the steps to get to my car, today would be different...

As I walked past the elevator, the doors opened. I realized that a 30-ish blond girl had called the elevator, so I hopped in.

Blond Girl: What floor are you on? (she presses the 7 for herself)
Me: 5, thanks.
*the elevator door closes*
Blond Girl: hasswha... (she made some odd sound).

At this point, I turn to look at her and notice that she is literally cowering in the corner of the elevator, clutching her stupid Fendi purse.
Me: Are you ok?
Blond Girl: eh... uh... Is THAT a ring in your nose? Is your NOSE pierced? (with a look of horror).
Me: Yes.
Blond Girl: Do you WORK here?
Me: uh.. Yes. (starting to get angry now).
Blond Girl: What do YOU do here?
*target acquired, fire at will*
Me: I scare people in elevators.
Blond Girl: What? (the look of terror increases).
Me: Yes. Then I go and sit in my car and wait for attractive women that are on levels above me to drive by and I follow them home.

*ding*

Me: Have a wonderful evening.

Then I get out of the elevator and stand there looking at her as the door closes...

I laughed so hard after this that I think I burst a blood vessel in my colon...

----------------------------------------------------

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Not sure how to score this one...
Current mood: amused

Last week was crazy for pretty much EVERYBODY at Mattel. We had our Global Line Review on Thursday, so for the past 3 weeks, it's been mayhem.

The cool part for me was seeing what the other groups were doing and what toys are going to be coming out this year. Even though I can't be a 10 year old kid again, I will most certainly be playing with quite a few of the toys coming out over the next few months.

So, the "Hot Wheels" team unveiled their new marketing slogan / blitz... Basically it's a heavy rap song (imagine that). The funny thing about is all I heard over and over and over and over, was "HOT WHEELS -- BEAT THAT"... As you can imagine, I was laughing my ass off. This story needs no more telling, because, fuck. That's funny.

Fast forward a few hours and I'm in a meeting with my boss. She's a wonderful woman and to be honest, probably the best boss I've ever had. So there we are, the two of us, with 4 people from one of our development company. I'm sitting directly across from my boss and she's going on about ideas that we have to extend the life of some of the older product... Let me just recound her conversation.

Boss: We are thinking that maybe there could be a dog?
Us: Yeah...
Boss: ...it could have brown and white spots on it...
Us: mmmhmmm.
Boss: ...and maybe it LOVES blue balls...
Me: Ba? What? Huh? HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!
Yep. I lost it. I couldn't control my laughter and I'm pretty sure I may have pissed myself.

I love corporate America.

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Monday, March 27, 2006

Chip - 2, Corporate America - 0

I can drink... Most of you know this already so this story should come as no surprise.

My group from work went out for an "offsite event" today. It consisted of a cooking class and then we were to hit the bowling alley to toss some balls at whitey.

The cooking class began at 11:00 and we were supposed to be there at 10:45. I was smart enough to get a ride from somebody else as was the Associate Producer that I work with. We got there early and the AP said quite possibly the most beautiful thing a person could hear at 10:45 on a Monday... "Let's get a drink, I'm buying".

I of course immediately order 3 Jack-n-Coke's. I mean, if I'm drinking at work on a Monday, I'm going big. A few minutes later, random other people start showing up (there were a total of 20 of us there). After suffering the ridicule of various office mates (16 female, 4 male) our division director shows up and says "I like your style, order me one o' dem' dere' drinks"... And we're off...

We drank / cooked from 11 until about 4. A few of us were drinking the whole time... The AP I work with was dumb enough to say "I'll drink anything you can Chip", because I had just gotten done telling him a story about my Friday night that consisted of me saying those exact words. Let's just say it didn't work out very well for me on Friday, and it didn't work out for the AP today.

We were going drink for drink with shots of Tequila. Patron to be exact. Anybody that has worked for Interplay, can drink Patron like it's water... At some point, the AP disappeared for about 20 minutes. I finally tracked him down in the bathroom with the most vile stench of puke that I've ever had to endure. He assured me that he was OK, so I headed back to the class. A few minutes later, my boss asked me to check on him again as by now we were in full swing of our savory main dish! When I went into the bathroom, the stench was even worse. The AP was standing behind the door playing with his cel phone. When I asked if he was ok, he said "yeah, I'm just texting a buddy. Somebody puked in here, I hope it wasn't anybody from our group". I laughed and tossed him a paper towel and said "yeah dude, I think they puked on your chin".

He pretty much spent the rest of the day in the bathroom. I feel bad, but not too bad. Anybody in the game industry should know better than to go toe-to-toe with an Ex-Interplay drinking champ...

We decided to skip the bowling, because by 4:00, everybody was pretty much drunk, especially my AP drinking victim.

So, once again I have taken a stab at corporate America, 1 drink at a time...

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Thursday, March 23, 2006

You [ADJECTIVE] [NOUN], suck my [ORGAN].

You know me, I'm not politically correct. I'm the guy that will put ballsack in your drink just to watch you freak out about it.

So, it should come as no surprise when I tell this story about work.

In case you live under a rock, I am now working for Mattel. It's a great job, in fact, it's probably the best job I've ever had while having to work for somebody else. The only downside to it is that it is extremely corporate. I mean, EXTREMELY.

Yesterday I was in a meeting consisting of me, an Associate Producer, our boss, her boss, and 6 other Brand Managers. To say the room was stuffy, would be an understatement. Anyway, we were discussing potential licenses to pick up for the near future and I must say, it took every ounce of energy and self-restraint to not laugh out loud at some of the ideas.

After literally 2 hours of this, I decide to "test the waters" so to speak...

Me: Hey, I have a great idea for a game.
Room: Really? what?
Me: Let's make a game where the entire environment is filled with baby white seals.
Room: Huh?
Me: Yeah, and the player just runs around and beats the fuck out of them until they are nothing but paste in the snow.
Room: *everybody looks at me like there is something wrong with me*
My Boss: What is wrong with you?
Me: Yeah, we could have upgrades available. Something like "stick with nail" or "boot". You know?
My boss' boss: *spits water out of his mouth onto one of the brand managers* What!!?!
Me: *smiling really big*.

At this point, everybody gets up to leave the meeting. Most are laughing, realizing that there is something not right about me. When I get to the door, my boss' boss stops me, I think I'm going to get in trouble...

Me: Sorry man, I was kidding, I just couldn't take any more of that...
My boss' boss: It's cool dude, that's why I hired you. It's time to show these people how the other half lives. Good job.

Hmmmm. I'm no genius, but if that's what they hired me for, it's just a matter of time until my balls are exposed at work...

I love being me, but I have to wonder how far I can go without being escorted out in handcuffs... Since I love this job, I'm not going to press it, but I have to say, the look on their face was incredible.

I don't know if they are ready for somebody like me. I'm sure I'm going to have a LOT of stories about similar actions. Just stay tuned, you all can come along and read about me doing the things you KNOW you want to do every time you step foot into the corporate world.

Chip - 1
Corporate World - 0
Chalk one up for the foul-mouthed dork.

----------------------------------------------------

Mid-life.

I turn 40 next week. I am feeling crappy.

But hey, at least I'm jobless!

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Random photo's from the past couple of year's.

I'm bored... As you can tell. Here are some photo's that I just picked out. Enjoy...



Rebekah and I in Huntington.



Rebekah, Luke, Robbie and I in Huntington.



St. Patrick's Day, 2007.



I took a picture of Ryan and Luke playing and used Photoshop to have some fun with the photo. I call it "Ghosthawks".



Captain's Cup (round 4) 2007. I won this one.



Still one of my favorite pictures of Ryan and Luke, ever.



Luke, behind bars.

Axl Rose is still my hero...

How could he NOT be?

Like Father, Like Son...

I hate insomnia... Enjoy!

Make way for the next generation of tattoo'd young'ns

These are too funny NOT to post... Enjoy!



Luke (he likes my stars and Damien's aliens).



Ryan (he likes my phoenix and dragon, and the bear paw is "coool").

Ryan-Man

We celebrated Ryan's 8th Birthdizzle today at Colonel Bill Barber Park. I'll post pictures tomorrow, once I've found my camera... In fact, I'll finish the blog then too.

LOVE!

On and on and on and on and so-on.

Went to Hogue Hospital to have ANOTHER MRI on my neck today. First off, I HATE small spaces (which is weird, because my computer is actually in a harry-potter closet)... Anyway, my appointment was at 6 and I PRE-Registered to be sure that I wouldn't have to sit there with a bunch of sick peeps, since I don't have a spleen. Of course there is traffic and we end up getting there at EXACTLY 6. Valet takes FOREVER to show up (like 3 minutes) and we walk through the hospital, not remembering that the back side is actually closer to radiology.

As we walk in, I notice there are a LOT of people waiting and think to myself "good thing I pre-registered, or I would have to sit out here with these saps". I stroll to the counter as if I was walking past a bunch of losers on Grammy night, and the girl there says "Charles?" I reply "Yes" as I'm thinking of an acceptance speech, she says "come have a seat right here, do you have your doctor's order?"... My fantasyland Grammy situation come crashing to a halt as I inform her that I do not, in fact, have said doctor's order.

So... now I need to call back on Monday, because they aren't open on the weekend to take appointments, and reschedule. You can BET that I'll be pre-registering for that one too...

Eventually, I'll get that Grammy. But for now, all I got was a Raspberry.

Hot Wheels Magazine Interview.

Click it to read it...

This was shortened down from about 5 pages of questions / answers and released in Issue #2 of the official Hot Wheels Magazine.

Oldschool Picture of Rebekah and Luke.

This picture ALWAYS makes me laugh. They've grown up such good friends. Rebekah used to basically be Luke's interpreter as he had a bit of a speech impediment back in the day.

Lotus (open) Tattoo Completed.

Here it is...



Awesomely swollen, hot off the gun...



A couple days later...


Took about 3 hours to do the entire Lotus / Water and finish the Rose on my forearm. I chose to do the Lotus in traditional colors with a lot of pink. I got it 2 days after my job "dissolved" at Mattel and thought it was only fitting to use those colors. Lyndsey, my tattoo artist, wanted me to go with it growing out of water, instead of mud. For those of you that do not know the symbolism of a Lotus, here it is: "In modern times the meaning of a lotus flower tattoo ties into it's religious symbolism and meaning. Most tattoo enthusiast feel that the a lotus tattoo represent life in general. As the lotus flower grows up from the mud into a object of great beauty people also grow and change into something more beautiful (hopefully!). So the symbol represent the struggle of life at its most basic form.

Lotus flower tattoos are also popular for people who have gone through a hard time and are now coming out of it. Like the flower they have been at the bottom in the muddy, yucky dirty bottom of the pond but have risen above this to display an object of beauty or a life of beauty as the case might be. Thus a lotus flower tattoo or blossom can also represent a hard time in life that has been overcome."

For the Rose, I chose orange, as that is what Rebekah wanted. Most of you probably don't know this, but her middle name is Hebrew for "Rose". :)

Uno is still going strong...

I Produced Uno for XBOX Live Arcade in 2007 and it's STILL doing awesome. These charts are based upon TIME PLAYED, not sales. Uno is still #1 in sales for Live Arcade.

Can't wait for the sequel to be released! It comes out next month and I'm super happy with it.

Anyway, here are the top 20 charts:

Top Xbox Live Arcade titles:

1. Castle Crashers (The Behemoth)
2. Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 (Activision)
3. Braid (Microsoft)
4. A Kingdom for Keflings (Microsoft)
5. UNO (Microsoft)
6. Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix (Capcom)
7. Fable II Pub Games (Microsoft)
8. Duke Nukem 3D (3D Realms)
9. Bionic Commando: Rearmed (Capcom)
10. Worms (Team 17)
11. SoulCalibur (Namco Bandai)
12. Portal: Still Alive (Microsoft)
13. Doom (Activision)
14. 1942: Joint Strike (Capcom)
15. Bomberman Live (Hudson Soft)
16. Mega Man 9 (Capcom)
17. N+ (Metanet Software)
18. Wolf of the Battlefield: Commando 3 (Capcom)
19. Marble Blast Ultra (GarageGames)
20. Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 (Midway)

Top Xbox Live titles on Xbox 360:

1. Halo 3 (Microsoft)
2. Call of Duty 4 (Activision)
3. Grand Theft Auto IV (Take-Two/Rockstar)
4. Gears of War 2 (Microsoft)
5. Gears of War (Microsoft)
6. Call of Duty: World at War (Activision)
7. Guitar Hero III (Activision)
8. Battlefield: Bad Company demo (EA)
9. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed demo (LucasArts)
10. Rock Band (EA)
11. Fable II (EA)
12. Mirror’s Edge demo (EA)
13. Madden NFL 09 (EA)
14. Battlefield: Bad Company (EA)
15. Rainbow Six: Vegas 2 (Ubisoft)
16. UNO (Microsoft)
17. Castle Crashers (The Behemoth)
18. Call of Duty: World at War multiplayer beta (Activision)
19. Forza Motorsport 2 (Microsoft)
20. Too Human demo (Microsoft)

At the end of the day...

It's just Butterfly and I.

We spend a lot of time relaxing with this blanket that we've come to call "The Marshmallow". Kelly bought it for me on a Christmas Eve picnic we had on the beach in 2007.

Enjoy!

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What are the 3 words you would least like to hear?

There are a TON! I hate you, You are fired, You're a mistake, I have herpes, (name) just died, I don't know, see... There are a LOT of them, I came up with those in less than 10 seconds.

For me, so far anyway, they just happen to be "We're losing him..."

In 1997, I had my Spleen removed due to a disease called Ideopathic Thrombocytopenia Purpura, or ITP for short. It's a disease that basically makes my blood cells kill each other off in deadly mortal kombat in the octagon known as the Spleen. So, to keep me alive, I had to say goodbye to my lovely Spleen. This was difficult (we were together for 28 years!!!).

Anyway, I'll write more about my Spleen Adventures(TM) later.

I don't even know why this crossed my mind at all to tell you the truth, maybe because of all of the surgery fun that I've over the last year. Who knows... Anyway, when I was under anesthesia to have the Spleen removed, I remember waking up to those words. It was horrible, I was so loopy from the drugs and what not. I didn't know what was going on and the inevitable "CLEAR!!!" and WHOOOOMP! I was out again. The rush of electricity obviously brought me back to normal and I awoke from the procedure MUCH later than anticipated.

I'll write more later, I just wanted to jot this down because I literally have forgotten about it and never thought about SINCE the operation.

God works in mysterious, sometimes electrifying, ways.

And so it begins...

Not really newsworthy, just a marker for myself of this particular day. I'll post what it all means when "it's" all done.