Socks and Soccer

(Originally posted on MySpace on 10.18.07)

Today, I noticed that my super-flashy socks had fallen all the way down to where I wear "normal" socks. I pulled them up and about a million memories of my years playing soccer flashed through my head. All of the times that I won, lost, and everything in between…

It immediately made me miss and appreciate my Mom and all of the wonderful things that she did for me that she wasn't even aware of… Little stuff like making sure that there was a bowl of Jello WITHOUT nuts for me at Thanksgiving, making sure that I got a box of Chocolate covered cherries at Christmas, teaching me how to LEARN (not just read and write, but how to LEARN. There is a massive difference). Too many things, too many things indeed.

As strange as this is going to sound, she taught me how to be a man. My Dad bailed out when I was 10 or 11, leaving my Mom for my Aunt! He must have learned a lesson somewhere along the line because he's been with my Aunt-Stepmom for over 25 years now, but back then, he was the guy that cheated on his handicapped wife with her sister-in-law (did I mention that my Mom was handicapped?). But that is another blog entirely, and it won't be anytime soon… Too many things…

There is one statement that I live my life by, and it's something she told me shortly after we moved into a HUD neighborhood, those of you that know what that means, know that it's straight ghetto. I'll never forget her demeanor when she said "don't be like your dad". She just seemed so defeated… That was the only lesson I really ever received on what it means to be a man that I can recall, and it was all I needed.

Until I was about 15, she could actually get around on her own but around that age she started needing a wheelchair. I spent so much time with her just pushing her around in what she called "the hotrod". We would walk and talk and laugh and just enjoy life.

The more time that has gone by since she passed away, the more I realize that my Mom was, and always has been, my best friend. I miss her every single minute of every single day and no matter what anybody says, absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder, at least not when applied to this situation.

She was simply the most amazing person I've ever met and I could only hope to 1% of the "man" that she was. The past couple of years have really opened my eyes to the spirit of "don't be like your Dad". I believe that her message to me was for me to be myself, life my way, but never forget where I came from.

I've spent a LOT of time trying to become the person that I wanted and want to be and I feel that I'm finally on that path. It hasn't been easy because there are just so many things to overcome… Too many things… What I wouldn't give for a stroll with Mom and the hotrod.