Pulled Over

(Originally posted on MySpace on 08.12.06)

For those of you that have never had the sheer pleasure of an "Oh Those Donuts" Crumb Glazed Donuts, you are missing out.

It's a little place in Newport near 17th Street on Newport Blvd and they are absolutely worth the trip to go there just for said crumb donuts.

That being said, let's get to the story, shall we?

One Saturday a month, Kelly has to work and today happened to be one of those Saturdays.

Whenever she has to work a Saturday, I make her breakfast and then pick her up for lunch. This morning, I decided to go grab a couple donuts and bring them to work for her. Round trip, it's about 37 miles.

Everything up to purchasing the donuts went smoothly all the way up until I left...

Let me interrupt the story for a sec and tell a different story that is completely related to today's story.

The registration on my car expired in January of this year. That's a bad thing. Last week I went to the DMV to get the registration straightened out and was told "uh... dude, go to court. There are some serious issues with your car". I started asking questions and the guy behind the counter pointed out (by literally pointing at his computer monitor) that there were numerous warrants out for my arrest.

I left as fast as possible because he could have easily had me arrested. The next day, I take the day off of work to go get these problems handled by going to court. I show up to the outside windows and the girl there is completely perplexed by my record. It takes her about 20 minutes to finally tell me that my X-girlfriend had *somehow* used my drivers license number for 8 different tickets, 2 of which were felonies, 2 misdemeanors, and 4 infractions. She set me up so that I could go see the judge. I get in to the courtroom just as the bailiff is booting a guy out of court because his cell phone rang. As I sit down, I realize that the judge is the SAME judge that I had seen once in the past because of the very same X-Girlfriend. On that occasion, she had stolen my checkbook, forged my signature, and wrote a bum check. I got nailed for it and when I went to court, the judge made ME go to a check writing school even though I explained what had happened, so I already had a bad feeling about this guy.

I waited about 10 minutes to be called, which is clearly some sort of record. I get called up first in the group of 7 to sit before the judge, but last to actually talk to him. Everybody before me was up there for about 2 minutes each and he would give them their sentence and they would be on their merry little ways. When he called me, I said good morning and then stood in front of him for at least 10 minutes before he talked to me. Here's how it went...

Judge: Hello, can you pay for all of this today?
Me: Excuse me?
Judge: *looking at paperwork* uh...
Judge: Hmmm. What is your full legal name?
Me: Charles Bumgardner Jr, sir.
Judge: Hmmm. Give me a minute.

I then stand there for about 5 more minutes as he scratches his head and tries to figure out what is wrong.

Judge: Ok, It looks as though you may have been the victim of identity theft. I've taken care of all of the warrants and tickets and they are now attached to Misty and not you.
Me: Thank you sir.
Judge: You don't owe any money, go ahead outside and you'll get the paperwork you need.

As I left the courthouse with all of the paperwork that I need to get my registration taken care of, I noticed in all caps "DO NOT ARREST THIS MAN, MISTAKEN IDENTITY". Now I just have to go back to the DMV. I scheduled my appointment for the 24th of this month, which puts us right back to the original story...

As I am pulling out of Oh Those Donuts' parking lot, I notice a Costa Mesa cop car in the 2nd lane and think out loud "sweet, he's already past me, so that's good" and pull into the first lane of traffic. I immediately notice the red-n-blue lights behind me pulling me over. Yep, there was a 2nd cop car.

I pull over on a little side street and wait to be sent to prison to suffer a lifetime of manrape and bad food. The police officer walks up to me and here's how that went.

Cop: Hello there, you know your registration is expired? I may need to tow your car.
Me: I am in the middle of taking car of it ma'am.
Cop: What do you mean?
Me: I went to court last week (insert the rest of the story above here).
Cop: Wow, that's unfortunate. *sniffing the air*
Cop: Sir, can you step out of the car please?
Me: Sure!
Me: *I get out of the car* Yo mind me asking why?
Cop: I smell Marijuana.
Me: Uh... Not in my car you don't.
Cop: You mind if I search your vehicle.
Me: Go right ahead...

At this point, the cop starts laughing and tells me:

Cop: Forget it. I'm not going to search your car *laughing histerically*
Me: Ok...
Cop: You are in front of a flower shop! It must be the flowers.
Me: Didn't they teach you the difference between a pretty rose and weed during your training? *smiling*
Cop: *still laughing* I'm going to give you a fix-it ticket and NOT tow your car. Make sure you get it taken care of because most other officers won't be so nice.

That's the end of the story... I hope you all find it as humorous as I did, except the part where my X used my license for whatever she did. It will catch up with her though, she's now got warrants and all of that.

For your viewing pleasure, I'm including a pic that I took a couple months ago down in Newport. You've probably already seen it, but I love it and think it's hilarious.